Dr. Paul Lanthois

As I came back from the business meeting, my wife noticed the glazed and drained look upon my face. “How did the business meeting go?” she asked with a knowingly grin upon her face for she had seen that look on me before.

“No wonder the guy’s business is struggling.” I replied.
“Why is that?”
“What was meant to be a meeting on how to boost his business, ended up with him going on about how his wife has left him and how his business partner has left him. When I offered some suggestions and strategies to improve them, he would just come up with reasons why it wouldn’t work. It was as if he just wanted to complain and wasn’t open to any help.”

I’m sure you all know people like that or have had to endure such draining meetings like I did. The way they choose to manage stress may make them feel better but it is often at the expense of those around them.

But recent research is showing that such stress management methods are not only draining for other people but are also draining on their wallet. A study of the lives of 268 Harvard Sophomores for 70 years found that the way that you coped with stress had a definite impact on your income potential.

They assessed the participants’ ability to manage stress as either mature or immature. Displays of these skills were regarded as having mature stress management skills:

• Suppression (patience and stoicism)
• Altruism (doing unto others as you wish to be done for yourself)
• Anticipation (allowing painful emotions coming to mind before the actual event)

Immature stress management skills were shown to be:

• Externalising blame
• Complaining but not accepting help
• Acting out emotions (e.g. throwing a tantrum)

These immature ways of coping with stress often make the offending feel better at the time but often generate unhappy working environments and relationships. The research shows that ranting and raving doesn’t pay.

According to this 70 year study, people who were shown to have mature stress management skills earned 233% more the subjects shown to have immature stress management skills.

So if you ever notice yourself bitching about how the Global financial Crisis is to blame for your woes, you may want to go and look at the real cause in the mirror. You then may want to tell that person in the mirror that it is time to grow up.

This study puts paid to the old adage, “Nice guys finish last.” It shows that being pleasant to work with and associate with is one of the key ingredients to a successful career and business.

Article Source: http://www.bestmanagementarticles.com | http://leadership.bestmanagementarticles.com | About the Author: Dr. Lanthois is the director of the Work Life Balance Foundation (www.WorkLifeBalanceFoundation.com ) offering health, stress relief and work life balance programs designed specifically to boost morale and productivity in the workplace.

As human beings, we have a natural tendency to want to be loved. But what happens when your desire to be loved interferes with your ability to lead?

People who gravitate toward leadership roles tend to be charismatic. They work hard at keeping their audiences captivated and enjoy the adoration they receive from their followers. This is all fine and good, until their desire to be liked, or even loved, begins to cloud their judgment. Here are some examples of how this can play out:

Colleagues rather than subordinates.

In their quest to be liked, leaders drop their guards and become more informal with their employees than they should be. An example of this is when a leader joins his staff at Happy Hour. There is nothing wrong with sharing a beer with the team. However, things can quickly get out of hand when one beer leads to a six-pack. Before you know it, managers are sharing drinking stories from their college days. Throw in a few shots of tequila, and all bets are off.

To effectively lead, your followers must have a high regard for you. Sure, they may look up to you all evening, but will they still respect you in the morning?

Communicating versus commiserating

It is lonely at the top. There are few people who you can confide in regarding your hopes and fears. It can happen to the best of leaders – eventually they stop communicating and start commiserating with their executive team and sometimes with staff.

In these trying times, your team is looking for a leader. Someone who they are confident will be able to steer their ship through these choppy waters. The last thing they need to hear is a leader expressing doubt. If you find that you need a sounding board, consider hiring an executive coach or joining an association. Then be sure you return to the business of communicating the information employees need to hear, so when you turn around, you actually have people following you.

Are you doing too much for your employees?

Are you constantly picking up the slack for members of your team who are not cutting it? When doing so, do you take the time to explain how they can improve their performance? Or do you simply decide it is easier to do things yourself to avoid more conflict?

Conflict fuels improved performance and innovation. It can also strengthen relationships when both parties have an opportunity to have their say. Think about your own personal relationships – do you have more respect and adoration for those who are willing to call you on your actions, or for those that avoid conflict?

It is nice to be loved, but as a leader, it is more important to be respected.

© 2009 Human Resource Solutions. All rights reserved.

Article Source:  http://www.bestmanagementarticles.com  |  http://leadership.bestmanagementarticles.com

About the Author: Roberta Chinsky Matuson is the President of Human Resource Solutions (www.yourhrexperts.com) and has been helping companies align their people assets with their business goals. She is considered an expert in generational workforce issues. Click here to read her new blog on Generation Integration http://generationintegration.typepad.com/matuson/. She can be reached at 413-582-1840 or Roberta@yourhrexperts.com.